Back to Business!

Well my friends, yet again I find myself apologising for not updating this blog enough!! But yes, after a fantabulous, (albeit rather hectic) summer, I find myself back In the Pearl of Africa that is the Uganda massive!! Brap!!

Oh and how I love it: the crappy internet that takes 2 hours to send a few e-mails; the power that goes off just as the e-mail you’ve spent 2 hours trying to send looks like it might be about to go somewhere; the shower that you have to spend a months budget on to get fixed 3 times in one week only for it just to blow up again, ahhhh I could go on and on!!! Hey - anyone who needs to learn some lessons in patience let me tell you, Uganda is your destination my friend!!


But truly I do love Uganda and it’s good to be back (especially to the cracking equatorial sunshine – how nice after a typical British summer of rain, rain and yes, camping in the rain!!!)

We are just about to start up the building work on the Boy’s Home again, after the triumphant Manchester to Blackpool cycle ride this summer, which raised almost £17,000!! Unbelievable, and I can safely say I’d happily violate my bottom again in a similar way if it means raising such fabulous amounts of money for such a worthy cause! I realise that I may stand alone however! I know at least 1 participant who found the whole experience so traumatising that she hasn’t ridden a bicycle since!! (Mentioning no names….but she’s a doctor….he he!!)
On a less happy note, we had to ask 2 of the boys to leave the project 2 weeks ago due to some ongoing problems we were having with them to a point where we felt they posed a serious risk to the safety of others. It’s really heart-breaking because the White Eagle Project is a family at heart. We are learning however that a line has to be drawn somewhere!

Still, I’ve been meeting with one of these boys to continue mentoring him and the whole experience has given him the kick up the backside that he needs. I really believe there’s hope for him yet and God’s on his case so I’ve no doubt it will be turned around to a powerful testimony somehow! Please pray for him.

With Duncan and Mary still in the UK and our Project manager Emily having been quite sick, it means it’s been rather busy! I’m also trying every big company and their auntie to try and get funding for our yearly football tournament, which will take place in January. Lots of interest so far but until I have the money in my hand I can’t rest on my laurels!!

So anyway, it’s back in at the deep end, but that’s good cos they say it’s the quickest way to learn how to swim. Having said that I can’t say I actually know a single person who learnt to swim like that! “In you go son…..that’s right kick your legs….try not to swallow so much water….no don’t be silly, you're not drowning…...Oh tits, where’s he gone??” What a lovely enduring image to leave you with!!

ADVENTURES FROM MANCHESTER TO BLACKPOOL -

So here's the deal! A whole group of us, being intrepid explorers and thrill seekers who live life on the edge are set for a true adventure come this Sunday!

We will be cycling from Manchester to Blackpool (60 miles) in order to Raise money for the Building Project for the White Eagle's Boy's Home. "How is that an adventure?" I hear you ask. To that I would answer with the following 4 points:
(1) The training for this adventure, more especially on my part has been....non existant...so it could be interesting!
(2) This Adventure for me will be off the back of a day's hardcore cricketting, a long drive and fairly little sleep...making the challenge even greater!
(3) My bum gets sore after cycling down the road leave alone 60 miles!
(4) I made the stupid offer that if it would help raise more money I'd do the last mile naked....I have a horrible feeling I might regret that. However, I've thought about it and if we raise over £5000 I'm up for it!!!

So, come on people! You know it makes sense! You can help give a better life to our Boys, and if nothing else think of our poor botties!!

THE MOST HORRIFIC TALE YOU MAY EVER HEAR (PART 3!)

So yeah, I realise that these are becoming a bit of a regular feature on my blog and I had never expected that when I wrote of my first unimaginably horrific experience that it would end up being the first part of a trilogy. However, today’s tale is TRULY stomach-turningly atrocious! I’m still shivering with the thought!

Anyway, let me paint the scene: I have these past few days been suffering with flu/chest infection/malaria (doctors opinion is second and third options, my opinion is just the first 2!). Anyway, yesterday morning I stumbled out of bed, half asleep and in a fragile state. I went into the bathroom and started washing my face. However, after a few seconds I stopped. “This soap smells a bit….funky” I thought. I opened my eyes to look at the soap…(brace yourselves, some of you may even need a bucket close at hand, cos this is rank!)…the soap had poo all over it! Splurgghhhhh!! Can you imagine? Truly, unimaginably, awfully, horrendously NASTY!

Now some of you may be wondering why? Well we have some of the youngest of the White Eagles staying with us in Bwala at the moment. Some of their toilet habits leave a little bit to be desired! I’m guessing one of them forgot that there’s such a thing as toilet paper, used their hand to wipe their batty and then washed their hands….badly!!!

Anyway, at that exact moment in time I wasn’t thinking about questions like why? I was just dumb-struck in horror. And in that moment of silent disgust, a tune came into my mind. Some of you may remember back in the day, summertimes at revival camp, and the legendary game that Timothy and Co. came up with in the youth tent entitled “Poo in your Face!” Others with good memories may even remember the theme tune that accompanied it (sung, nay, screamed to the chords from Nirvana’s ‘smells like teen spirit!” You know…the one we screeched at top volume and had people rush in from the main tent to shut us up cos they were having a “spiritual moment” in the big top and all they could hear was us screaming about Poo in your face! Yeah, you remember! The very same game that we were banned from playing because some idiotic father thought we were using real poo! Now you’re with me!) So yes, as I stood there stupefied in horror, all I could hear was this tune: “Poo in your face, Poo in your face, Poo in your face, Poo in your face, AHHHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHH digga digga digga digaa POO IN YOUR FACE!”

Ahhhh, Uganda! Never fails to throw up some interesting situations!! Gotta love it really, albeit in a sometimes horrifying way!

p.s. a little note regarding the picture that accompanies this post: What ever happened to all those old skool joke shops that were around in the 80s? If anyone knows of any in the South East London area please let me know!

OPERATION A.R.K

(Imagine the theme tune to mission impossible starting….) Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to grab your paintbrushes, spades, brooms and food boxes and to go and bless the people of Mabera. Clean their streets, paint their houses and shops, feed those most in need, pray for their needs and have a right good laugh whilst you’re at it! THIS is OPERATION A.R.K!!

So last week 25 youth (with a few willing adults and kids thrown into the mix) hit the streets of Mabera (a run down part of Nyendo) as part of Operation A.R.K (Acts of Random Kindness). This is a vision that Julius and I as youth leaders have had for some time and finally we’re making it a reality! It’s basically a Soul in The City Style mission, and the wonderful thing is that there is never any need to think up ideas of what to do because the need is everywhere, starring you in the face!

So we painted peoples’ houses and shops (and each other!), cleaned the streets, gave food boxes to the poorest families and showed them the love of Jesus! They were blessed, some were saved, one old lady has even joined our church and this is only just the beginning!! Watch this space!!! BRAP!!

ADVENTURES IN THE JUNGLE!

Well, the White Eagles have worked long and hard all term and have finally reached their holidays. In order to reward them for their efforts we decided “what better way for them to enjoy a well deserved break than to set them to work clearing the jungle that is Kibaya Farm!”

Now of course I’m hamming it up - I don’t want you to think we’re using these boys for slave labour! And the truth is its been fantastic fun! Give a group of lads a pile of machetes and a load of bush to clear and we can keep ourselves very happy for hours!! And of course this being Uganda, the work is generously interspersed with long ‘tea breaks’, ‘banter breaks’, ‘posing with machetes breaks’, ‘sitting down for no other reason than we’re a bit tired breaks’ and so on!!



So for 3 days, myself and 15 of the lads would spend the day happily hacking away and then head off to Bwala for a slap up meal, a chat with the Duncan and Mary about burning issues like money, integrity and sex and then hit the hay!

And of course Uganda is a country of true adventure and indeed these days had their share of incidents! We’ve had some exciting encounters with snakes and most excitingly with a small dragon (well, a humongous monitor lizard actually and I have to be honest and tell you that we encountered this not at the farm whilst hacking the jungle, but in Bwala atop a rubbish pile!) Anyway, lets not get tied up in technicalities, as you can see from the photo it was the size of a small alligator. I must say at that moment I could have been likened to a small child who’s had far too much sugar and gets so excited that he then wees in his pants a little bit! (Although let me state for the record that I did manage to stay dry – but only just!!)



All in all a thoroughly fantastically excellent 3 and a half days really! Machetes, snakes, dragons, large amounts of matoke, chats about Sex and even a bit of football in the garden with jumpers for goalposts! What more could a boy want?! Life is good!

The most Horrific Tale you may ever hear (except for perhaps the other story that I gave exactly the same title to a while back!)

Every so often I have a truly shockingly bad experience here in Uganda. The last time I wrote a story with such a title involved a very large cockroach in my bed that even decided to take an excursion onto my face and which I only JUST managed to kill before the power suddenly went off! (A truly close call!)

Well, a few days ago I had another terrifying experience and one which will once again take some time, and no doubt a certain amount of counselling to recover from!

I must first explain the state of mind I was in that day because, much as what I did was inexcusable, I would like to claim some element of insanity. I had had a ridiculously busy few days off the back of a busy few weeks. In fact I had not had a proper day off for almost 3 weeks and was feeling the strain.

I awoke in the morning to realise that in 10 minutes I was scheduled to be giving a computer lesson down at the church so in a half asleep state fumbled around and jumped into Duncan’s car to head down to the church.

It was as I was driving that the shameful, unimaginably awful moment of realisation occurred to me. I was thinking, “driving this car seems strange this morning...it feels a bit weird...”

I looked down, and lo and behold....and please brace yourself my friends because this was a scenario I had never fully prepared myself for....I was wearing SOCKS AND SANDALS!!!!

It was a terrible, terrible moment best described by the famous words towards the end of the classic Vietnam war film, Apocalypse Now: “The horror......the horror.....”

Please pray for me friends, it may be many months before I can face society again

Easter Shenanigans!!!

Well, Easter has come and gone and I must apologise for being rubbish at updating my blog recently!

Whilst the White Eagle’s don’t get their holidays for another 3 weeks, thankfully they were let out of school for a long Easter weekend which we made the most of, the highlight of which was a trip to Lake Nabugabo. At this point I should probably say that we had a special guest with us, a rather fabulous girl called Sarah from the UK who had come to work with us for 2 weeks.

It was therefore good that we had a trip to the Lake as she was given the baptism of fire that is the journey there and back all crammed into the back of a truck (great fun although I have to say I was a little disappointed at the lack of break-neck speeds which usually go hand in hand with these trips. It seems the drivers are actually starting to realise that there’s something called “speed limits” mores the pity!)

The weather was no less than superb, we slaughtered and munched a whole pig as usual, played volleyball, swam and DANCED! For the first time that I can remember we had the inspired idea of taking the PA equipment and danced like rabid monkeys (some more than others)! My personal highlight was seeing the large frame of Mama Kat being shaken all over the place like a woman possessed by the power of Funk! (you know say!!) All in all, a really rather fantabulous day!

Oh…and with regards to the cheeky little lady that is Sarah Giles, well now, that’s a WHOLE other story, and one probably best left for me to tell in person rather than over the internet!!! ;-)

Timmo’s Personal Ponderous Proverbs - Verse 5

“The man that mocks will sooner or later find that a lesson in humility will come his way and HE will end up being the object of others shameful hilarity!”

I have always thought about aerobics with a certain amount of mirth! The idea of fat ladies in spendex throwing their wobbly bits around to some hardcore dance tracks, led by a slightly pervy muscular man with bulges protruding from his tight fitting lycra shorts for some reason always made me laugh!

Well, this weekend in Kampala whilst visiting some friends I was invited to attend an aerobics session. “fabulous!” I thought, “this will be a right good laugh!”

So off to Aerobics I trotted with Jjunju Fred, Jon, Katherine and Gemma. I walked in to see an array of Ugandans ranging from fairly fit to “rotund” (to put it nicely!). Then to my delight in walked the instructor – yes, he had tight bulging lycra shorts, and looked like he loved himself a bit too much! I smiled to myself, looking forward to a much needed giggle!



Well, off we went at a scorching pace. Take a moment if you will, to imagine Mr Motivator drugged up to the eyeballs with ecstasy and blapsing out crazy moves to insanely fast African Ragga beats! Perhaps another way to imagine it would be watching a recording of an English aerobics session on fast-forward! Well, if you have those images in your mind, you’re pretty close to my first experience of Ugandan aerobics! With Jjunju Fred in front of me totally ignoring the instructor and just enjoying his own “special” musical interpretation through the medium of dance, I certainly got the good laugh I’d come for.

That was for the first 10 minutes…..

After about 10 minutes I started feeling a bit tired and stopped laughing. After 20 minutes I was really struggling. Looking around I discovered that even the flabby Ugandan lady with an astronomical batty behind me was thoroughly enjoying herself and keeping up. Indignant that I wouldn’t be outdone by “Maama Bombastic Batty” I gritted my teeth, took a swig of water and kept going. Needless to say, the smile was well and truly wiped off my face by now!

After a further 10 minutes I felt quite nauseous. At this point I had 2 choices, both of which were rather shameful to me. Either take a break, or carry on with the possible outcome of either vomiting everywhere or perhaps even dying. I took the first option.

I went outside and collapsed on the floor muttering to myself. It was then I looked over and saw a bunch of Ugandan woman laughing at me. Oh the shame! One even dug the knife in by coming over and asking if I needed help “you look unwell, perhaps you should lie down!” Well! Really!! I couldn’t have this! I’d come to aerobics to have a laugh at some flabby Ugandans and now it was I who was the object of mockery! I composed myself, and after having stern words with myself, (which yes did involve the phrase “C’mon Bitch” – I know my sisters were wondering!) I felt ready for a second wind!

Well, all I can say is that God gave me strength – they were onto the step aerobics by now – an utterly confusing mix of stepping on bits of wood, kicking legs in the air, punching imaginary opponents and a fair amount of spinning around and booty shaking.

Somehow I got through it and was relieved when the music stopped and everyone started stretching. Home time – Hallelujah…Oh praise be to God, this nightmare is over! I could have kissed someone! But no, it was a cruel, cruel trick, it wasn’t the end at all but simply a “breather!” Everyone was getting mats to do another set of exercises. I felt I was going to die right there. I think God realised at this point that I had learnt enough humility for one day and provided me with his saving grace! My phone rang – it was my parents. He had provided a legitimate way out without losing any more face – Thank You Jesus.

Well, lesson learned! Never again will I mock aerobics, I have a new found respect for those that put themselves through such an experience every week! I thanked the Lord for teaching me humility but also made a point of asking him to do it differently next time!

What ever did happen to Mr Motivator by the way??

Timmo's Personal Ponderous Proverbs - Verse 4

Well my friends, it's been a long time since I've shared one of my pearls of wisdom so here is the latest one for you meditate on:

“The Man who findeth a blister on his toe and yet findeth that it doth not hurt should be wary of what he may find inside.”




Having recently played a lot of football I was not surprised the other day to find what I thought was a large blister on one of my toes. However on closer examination I discovered that when touching it, it did not hurt in the slightest. This I found strange as blisters, even when only small, sting like hell. It was then that I remembered back to my early days in Uganda in 2000 when I had a similar blister looking ailment of the toe.

Knowing what needed to be done I sent for Tom, who not only is a very good gardener but also dabbles in small-scale surgical procedures. Armed with a sharp pin he skilfully undertook this simple, yet life saving (or at least toe-saving) procedure. Scraping away the top-skin he finally exposed the little fella that had been living snugly inside my toe a “jigga” or worm! All part and parcel of life in Uganda my friends!

Oh, and Tom says could I please promote his business so yes, Tom’s surgery is open 9-5 every day, by way of appointment for a range of small-scale procedures including jigga removal, anti-malarial suppository insertion (complete with Vaseline lubrication) and rabies injections along with a limited range of ‘erbal remedies!

Unstoppable White Eagles Dappers Claim Third Straight Title!

There were mixed fortunes for the White Eagle’s junior and senior teams in the climax of this years LMC Confederations cup of Masaka.

The Junior White Eagles Bombastical Bredrins went into their rematch of last years final with Nyendo Kids club with high hopes of exacting revenge for last years defeat. However things did not start well with a slip in the first 5 minutes by the keeper Bonni, gifting the simplest of goals to Nyendo. This ended up being the only goal in the first 45 minutes as chances were at a premium in what can only be described as a war of attrition.

The Bredrins, roused by half time encouragement from Pastor Duncan and manager Ngobya Dan, ploughed on but things turned from bad to worse when Kyagulanyi, leading scorer with 7 goals, took his tally to 8 with a fine strike for Nyendo. The response was swift with a long range free kick from Dauda bringing hope for the Bredrins. However, a further 2 strikes for Nyendo saw them retain the cup with the Bredrins once again falling at the last hurdle. Nyendo it was who deservedly took the trophy along with Rupert the goat, 4-1 winners on the day.



In the Senior section The White Eagles Dappers of devastation breezed through their semi final 5-1 winners over Kimanya to meet Laisi Windscreen F.C who won a thrilling penalty shoot out on sudden death in their semi fianl against Nyendo Seniors.

The Dappers showed no respect for the top scoring team Laisi Windscreen, scorers of an unprecedented 30 goals on their way to the finals. With sweeping moves of one touch passing the Dappers quality was on another level as goals from Dausi, Kivumbi and Javira put them 3-0 up at the break. A goal a-piece for each side at the start of the second half made it 4-1, and a fine header from Ntayilo gave Laisi Winscreen hope at 4-2. This was before an inspired double substitution with Tim Crow and Jon Room entering the field of play which injected new life and pace into the Dappers midfield and striking line. This enabled the Dappers to add a further 2 goals, the last of which was a fine breakaway strike as Crow put Room through to score a goal on his first appearance for the Dappers since his recent move from Oxford United.

6-2 it finished and a delighted Dappers team raised the trophy for the third time in as many years before moving onto the greater task of feasting on Callum the Cow!!

White Eagles March On!

WHITE EAGLES BOMBASTICAL BREDRINS 4 - THE DESTROYER F.C. 2



The Bredins entered this semi-final match high in confidence after their composed performance in beating Spanner Youngsters in the quarter-finals. They could not rest on their lorels however as their opponents, The Destroyer F.C. had previously beaten Spanner Youngsters in the group stage in a thrilling 3-2 win, coming back from 2-0 down. They also lived up to their name in destroying the hopes of Ntake F.C. in a 2-0 win in their quarter final match on Friday.

The first half was a a goal-fest that swung one way and then the other. In what can only be described as an onslought, the Bredrins took a 4-0 lead in just 25 minutes with strikes from Serunjoje, Dauda, Brian and Umaru. And it could have been worse for the Destroyer were it not for some wastefull striking by Serunjoje and Brian who could have, and should have made it 6!

As is so often the case, missed chances can come back to haunt you and no sooner should the game have been put beyond doubt, that the Destroyer found their feet and in 2 minutes of maddness from the Bredrins the score was suddenly 4-2. The second goal deserves special mention as it was a superb 25-yard strike when the Destroyer number 8 was left with far too much space.

The Destroyer had tasted the come-back and pushed on. It was only some last gasp defending that ensured that the Bredrins still went in at half time with a 2 goal lead.

If the first half was a goal fest, the second half was anything but, with neither keeper having to pick the ball out of their net. The Destroyer keeper however had a very busy half as the Bredrins broke upon the Destroyer defence like a crashing wave. Once again, some wasteful striking was to blame for the Bredrins tally staying put, although in fairness the besieged Destroyer defence and keeper put up stiff resistance that enabled them to leave the tournamwnt with some dignity.

The Bredrins will need to be more clinical come Saturday afternoon when they will face a re-match of last years final against Nyendo Kids Club (formaly Express F.C.). The question is, will the Bredrins have their revenge and take the trophy, or will they once again fall at the last hurdle? Watch this space!

White Eagles "Soar" in LMC Confederations Cup!

WHITE EAGLES BOMBASTICAL BREDRINS 2 - SPANNER YOUNGSTERS 2
(WHITE EAGLES WIN 4-3 ON PENALTIES)


This years LMC Confederations Cup of Masaka has so far been nothing less than Fantabulous! With 22 teams, just under 400 players and a good dose of African energy the tournament has seen some of Uganda's best young footballing talent on display, with a FEAST of wonderous strikes, the odd upset, agonising heartbreak and moments of pure ecstasy!

On the Junior side, the White Eagles Bombastical Bredrins performed admirably in the group stage with a win and a draw to take them through to the quarter final stage where they met one of the most physically challenging junior teams - Spanner Youngsters, a local garage team. Going into the match as underdogs, it was in fact the Bredrins who delivered a masterclass in sweeping passing moves as they scored 2 well constructed goals to lead 2-0 at half time, Serunjoje and Umaru the scorers.

In the second half however Spanner exerted their physical presence to force the issue and with a penalty goal mid-way thorough the half, the pressure was back on the Bredrins. Although the Bredrins pushed for a third it was Spanner Youngsters who took their chance with a last gasp strike that took this quarter final show-down into a dreaded penalty shoot-out.

You would expect that with their tails up, Spanner would be the more confident going into the roulette that is the penalty shoot-out but in the end it was the Bredrins who held their nerve to seal a 4-3 win and a tough semi-final meeting against The Destroyer F.C.
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WHITE EAGLES DAPPERS OF DEVASTATION 5 - BLACKSTARS 1

Last years' senior winners, the White Eagle's Dappers of Devastation, had a smooth ride to the quarter finals with 3-1, 3-0, 3-0 and 5-1 wins in their groups stage as they topped the group without dropping a single point.

With a weight of expectation upon them they met Blackstars at Kitovu Stadium in their quarter final. The pressure seemed to show as they labourted in the 30 degree heat and the first 20 minutes saw the Dappers miss a host of gilt-edged chances.

Fianlly in the 25th minute the Tall defender Dausi, rose above the Blackstars defence to score the oponer from a corner. Minutes later he rose again in what was almost a carbon copy of the first goal to put the Dappers 2-0 up. However a mix up between Katongole the keeper and Dausi saw the ball roll into the Dappers net just before half time for a very soft goal and a reduction of the deficit to 2-1.

The second half performance was a tale of goals and cards. Although the Dappers mid-field and striking line missed another host of chances against a limp Blackstars side, they did manage to add a further 3 goals to their tally. This did however come at the expense of 2 yellow cards and 1 straight Red. Bickering in the Dappers team led to the referee brandishing his Red card for the first time this year against the skillful striker Kalisa, followed by yellows for Makela and Kasujja. Kalisa will no doubt be kicking himself for the stupidest of red cards that will mean he will watch the rest of the tournamnet from the touch line. A sad end to his tournamnet but hopefully not an end for the Dappers who will meet Kimanya F.C. in the semis.

All in all, job done for the Dappers, but not without it's costs.

Boy's Home Building Update!

many apologies goes out to one and all for the fact that I haven't updated my blog for alomost 2 months! Shocking!

Anyway, I had a fabulous Christmas back in the UK where I also enjoyed 2 weddings, the first a good friend's, and the second my eldest sisters both of which were botty-shakingly raggadoodoo!

Anyway, when I left Uganda at the end of December I left when the building work on the second phase of the Boys Home had just began. This includes a living room/dining room, 2 toilets, a shower and a kitchen.

7 years after the first 6 rooms of the boys home were completed it's fantastic to finally have the finances to continue with the building work. Of course, thanks goes out to all those who have given money to help us in this venture but I should say that we still need about another 14,000 pounds to complete the whole house in its entirity. So anyone with some spare money lying around wondering what to do with it, look no further - this is the project for you!!

Coming back 2 weeks ago I was pleasantly suprised at just how well the building work is going, some things take for ever in Uganda but thankfully not this project! Already the main structure is up and the roofing will be completed within a week or 2. I'll keep you all posted as the building continues!